Question by tasselbunny: Elopement? Wedding? For the $ $ , what’s ‘worth’ it?
The backstory:
A few months ago, my boyfriend of 4 years (5 years in October) proposed. I said “yes.”
Considering that we’ve been dating & living together for a fairly long time, we both wanted to be married relatively quickly in the realm of engagements. My preferred months are the winter months, basically Nov-Feb, with January & February being my favorites.. He’s open to basically anything, with his only ‘solid’ date being Halloween… (which I thought was tacky. 
)
At the start of this, we were under the impression that his (fairly wealthy) grandparents would help us with half the wedding, if my mother & I paid for the other half. ((His mother really isn’t financially capable of paying for anything)) I started looking at sites, and decided that I could do the entire wedding for under $ 6000. However, two weeks ago, when I asked his grandparents for $ 3000, they outright said that it was entirely too much money and that they had planned on under $ 1000. Their reasoning? The bride always foots the majority of the wedding bill. Understandable, but I thought it was outdated as a sentiment.
My mother was completely okay with giving me $ 3000… or a little more — she had, in fact, stashed that away for my future nuptials… and thought I had been very frugal in my wedding decisions for keeping it under $ 10,000. When I told her that my fiance’s grandparents weren’t going to match her contribution, she was also fine with it. After all, the grandparents don’t owe /me/ anything. I had just hoped they’d pitch in for /us/.
However… ever since they rejected my budget, I’ve been ‘joking’ about elopement. Today, my mom said that she’d give me the offer that her father gave to her when she got married: “You can take (x amount) for a wedding… or you can take the money and run.” — and then she told me that /she/ took the money and ran.
I know I want a wedding… I just don’t know if I need PEOPLE. I think I could be perfectly happy buying a gown, running away, and getting married in some other city. Flights to NYC or Vegas really aren’t that bad in the next six months — we could go, stay, get married and have a little getaway to ourselves (aka, a honeymoon) — and still have a little left over.
Now, the main question (finally, right?):
Would I regret not having family there? Not having the pomp and circumstance? Both of our families will be absolutely DELIGHTED just by the fact that we’re married… but who will be hurt by us having our day… by ourselves?
On the other hand, I don’t, and NEVER did, want many people at our wedding. I wanted less than 30 people to begin with — only family and close friends. I would be perfectly happy just sharing the day with my future husband and no one else. We’ve had so many occasions that were just between the two of us — quite frankly, if I have the dress and a location that isn’t “the local church” — I’m content. He’d be happy, too.
We’ve vacationed in Las Vegas together and loved it. Neither of us have been to New York, but both want to go. Either would make for a neat story.
It would be so very easy to say that we’ve decided to get married, say, next August, then come January — oops, we got married on that vacation of ours over New Years Eve! ((Or maybe Leap Day!)) And wouldn’t $ 3000 go so much further for TWO people than for THIRTY?
So. What’s more worth it? Sentimentally — and, literally, for $ 3000-4000:
A wedding, with family & friends, pretty good food and tons of pictures… (but not much else….)
Or a private elopement, where just the two of us have 4 or 5 days to get married on “vacation” and have our Day entirely to ourselves … (but not have family, and probably minimal pictures)?
@Common Sense — Oh, I’ll admit to being bratty! It’s not that horrible an insult. ^_~ The problem here is that the $ 3000 I thought I had is basically… all of the food and extras that I’ve wanted. Many of my friends that have gotten married recently and it’s the same formula: local church, potluck dinner, wait for honeymoon until a “family vacation” comes around.
I want: a nice, PRETTY venue, very nice food (even just nice cocktails & hors d’oeuvres), and I’d like at least a small honeymoon getaway. That $ 3000 might not seem like a lot, but it’s proving to be a lot.
That’s almost impossible to have on a $ 3000 budget, just us, it could be done — But! the mother’s opinion I also respect. I don’t want to hurt his mom, mine, or anyone else by not having them included. >.<
Best answer:
Answer by Common Sense
So, basically, you would rather spend 4 grand on yourselves to elope, than to change your 30 guest wedding budget from the expected $ 6,000 to $ 4,000? And, will you regret it?
Actually, and please forgive me in advance, I think you are being kinda bratty because you did not get your $ 3,000. you wanted from his wealthy grandparents so you want to make other plans.
It is your wedding, do whatever you want. You know you will. And, you should.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
